I am a 4%er, INFP 1%er. I am a rare breed of bed rest. I am a rarity? OK.

(Note the date above...this was drafted for 30 days because it's just a silly cut and paste job...)

This period of time marks the period of bed rest and heavy reading for me. I'm following up on this past a month later, able now to report that my AFI went from 5.6 to 20 in three days following good counsel of my amazing team of midwives. Love you ladies. All is well; that's our hope, and expectation, as a constant...

The amniotic fluid that surrounds a fetus (unborn baby) plays a crucial role in normal development. This clear-colored liquid cushions and protects the baby. By the second trimester, the baby is able to breathe the fluid into the lungs and to swallow it. This promotes normal growth and development of the lungs and gastrointestinal system. Amniotic fluid allows the baby to move around, aiding development of muscles and bones.

The amniotic sac that contains the baby forms about 12 days after conception. Amniotic fluid immediately begins to fill the sac. In the early weeks of pregnancy, amniotic fluid consists mainly of water supplied by the mother. After about 20 weeks, fetal urine makes up most of the fluid. Amniotic fluid also contains nutrients, hormones and disease-fighting antibodies (1).  The amount of amniotic fluid increases until 28 to 32 weeks of pregnancy, when it measures about 1 quart. After that time, the level of fluid generally stays constant until the baby is full term (37 to 40 weeks), when the level begins to decline.

In some pregnancies, however, there may be too little or too much amniotic fluid.

• Having too little amniotic fluid is called oligohydramnios.
• Having too much amniotic fluid is called polyhydramnios.

Either condition can cause problems for mother and baby or be a sign of other problems. However, in most cases, the baby is born healthy.

How are oligohydramnios and polyhydramnios diagnosed?
An ultrasound examination can identify the amount of amniotic fluid. This procedure measures the depth of the fluid in four quadrants in the uterus. These amounts are then added up. This method results in a measurement of amniotic fluid called the amniotic fluid index (AFI). If the amniotic fluid depth measures less than 5 centimeters, the pregnant woman has oligohydramnios. If amniotic fluid levels add up to more than 24 centimeters, she has polyhydramnios (2).

How common is oligohydramnios?
About 4 percent of pregnant women have oligohydramnios (3). It can develop at any time during pregnancy, although it is most common in the last trimester. Some 12 percent of women whose pregnancies last about two weeks beyond their due dates (42 weeks gestation) develop oligohydramnios, because the level of amniotic fluid tends to decrease by that time in gestation (1, 2). 

Butterfly Pavillion

Willoree and I drove to Denver and went to the Butterfly Pavillion last week. It was a mellow, sweet day...began with a nap on the way (hers, not mine), some gift shop browsing, a picnic, and then a long stay in the closest thing to a spa I've visited lately: the Tropical Conservatory, their 7,000 square-foot tropical rainforest...which is home to more than 1,200 butterflies and 350 plant species from around the world. Hawaii, and just minutes away. Willoree took my camera, I sat on a bench, tired and pregnant, and watched her "catch" things like leaves, walls, trunks, feet, concrete, her shoes, my belly, more leaves...

So yeah. Not a lot of great photos, but some really great humidity. And a possible boon to my CO complexion.

Since then it's been cold, very cold and snowy.

One morning recently I even ran my car into the curb, causing around $1000 worth of repair costs and a set of new wintery tires. We're all fine, the car's fine now, too. But I wonder if I should migrate to what all the other women in CO seem to drive -- why, the state car: the Subaru! And apparently these are popular for good reason, though I've never driven one. My mom used to have one when my brother and I were young; we'd ride around in the way back, stretched out prone. Seemed safe enough...

And last night we went to a party...a great gathering next door at Darlene and Leland's house. Great crowd, food, warmth...everyone was wearing their slippers and all the kids were downstairs -- firstly raising hell, then finally being sung to almost sleep by a 6 year old.

'Tis the season. I'm excited to get a Christmas tree and share home with all the family coming to town to see us. And then there's the dollhouse project gracias to Rob and Mopsy! (Details and documentation coming soon.) I feel compelled, already, to photo-document-og this. Anyone who's ever spent evening(s) assembling stuff for their kids will likely relate. Ben and I would wait until the last minute, but I truly think this effort will take several days if not weeks to complete.

I am already regretting I can't throw back some whiskeys...but then again, me, drinking, assembling, uhgh.

Swine Flu Shot Ingredients...

Swine Flu shot ingredients...if anyone is curious. I haven't checked this source, but I like the line up a great deal, and I am open to revision, as needed. Makes me glad I haven't injected anyone I care about. God Bless America!

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INGREDIENTS:

In addition to the viral and bacterial RNA or DNA that is part of the vaccines, here are the fillers:

· aluminum hydroxide

· aluminum phosphate

· ammonium sulfate

· amphotericin B

· animal tissues: (pig blood, horse blood, rabbit brain, dog kidney, monkey kidney, chick embryo, chicken egg, duck egg, calf (bovine) serum

· betapropiolactone

· fetal bovine serum

· formaldehyde

· formalin

· gelatin

· glycerol

· human diploid cells (originating from human aborted fetal tissue)

· hydrolyzed gelatin

· MSG (monosodium glutamate)

· Neomycin

· Neomycin sulfate

· Phenol red indidcator /

· Phenoxyethanol (antifreeze) /

· potassium diphosphate and monophosphate

· Polymyxin B

· Polysorbate 20 and 80

· Porcine (pig) pancreatic hydrolysate of casein

· Residual MRC5 proteins

· Sorbitol sucrose

· Thimerosal (mercury)

· tri(n)butylphospate

· VERO cells (a continuous line of monkey kidney cells washed sheep red blood cells)

Mapping

Being high on pixel dust presents a map all of its own. It is visual, verbal, past, present and future; strange and unrelated, relevant, textured, subjective. I can read back posts and see, like a director chooses scenes for her film, myself in a more (or less) articulated way. 

To map is to ponder how space and events punctuate us. 

Mapping is a way for families to connect and intersect our own footprints (scattered across the "map") in and around each other. I am looking forward to the 2,000 miles mapped in red thin lines, drawn in the back pages of a glossy magazine, the arc at 30K feet moving from east to west at the end of December. 

Come, family! We have a year (and a tremendous one at that) to map, then digest, then begin to map all over again.


"The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order, the continuous thread of revelation."
– Eudora Welty

Read more about mapping, see more visuals about mapping. Love the concrete, the abstract, the musings of some of my favorite people, doing their favorite things...pondering and being together.

(These images and texts from the brilliant Carrie Rose, as contribution to the Empathinc.com BLOG, here.)

The most sun ever, in Carbondale, CO

Ben, Willoree and I spent an amazing weekend in Carbondale, CO, with friends and more new friends and then soaked in hot springs all Sunday afternoon. It was a 2-day trip but felt like a week's worth of rejuv, and I'm so grateful for Saramanda, Corey and their four cute as hell kids for having us out. It felt like home...

Corey, incidentally, knows the Whites of Boone County, WV. He is a lawyer and spent a lot of time in the Boone County courtroom, working. Jesse gets into a lot of trouble, not surprisingly. And I mean no offense here - but I gather he makes as many "poor decisions" as you may suspect. Mamie White, when first she met Corey, told him something like, "You must be from out of town, honey, because they don't come as pretty as you around here..."

And it's true. Corey's a pretty person, as is Saramanda, and all their kids. And their house and food and dog and scenery. All pretty. The list goes on. Some people, man.

Highlights:

Mule deer lurking; fires burning, Star Trek, salmon, sunshine, hot springs, hiking, no phone calls, Elaine Pagel's book about Thomas, tasty omelets, all around good food 24/7, feeling loved, loving back, naps for pregnant lady, barefoot weather (and snow on the ground), a worn-out daughter, one mystical and very amazing dream Friday night, banjo picking, radiant floor heat, storytelling, pulling Angel cards, pumpkin pies, window panes larger than walls in our bedroom.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Loved it. A great kick off to my absolute favorite holiday.

Home (on the market, anyone...?) Gorgeous lighting, custom metal work, heated floors and cozy kitchen talk. The house reminded me of a boat, and was at one time the main family ranch house on the 450 surrounding acres. It's low to the ground and sprawling...a gorgeous place to be. And we had our own sun-drenched wing to live (and dance around in our underwear) in.

360 views of surrounding areas: Vail, Basalt, Carbondale, Mount Sopris, Snowmass...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I can't wait to share and feast and to really, truly test out this liquid Calcium/Magnesium magical elixir I bought at the store yesterday. It's supposed to help a lady out who's suffering from heartburn, or indigestion, or whatever it is we call it when our stomachs are absolutely compromised by a growing and already probably huge-ish 8 month cooked baby ADD food.

But I adore being pregnant. My complaints are minor. I have a list of things I'm thankful for; every day, every year seems to grow longer and longer. You are on the list; I thank.

"Are You a Real Person"

Ben got a letter in the mail today that asked, right above the clear window, "Are You A "Real Person"?".

This was a piece of junk mail, but a very good one. I asked him to think about it and get back to me.

For 44¢ a pop, actually less given bulk mail discounts and such, this is affordable and super interesting research.

Always on the lookout.

Andrew Cohen - I Heart Cults

Ihhh.

So knowing nothing about this dude, and after hearing a rumor that he is the central figure of some kind of cult situation, makes me rethink the Debold course...as she's a student of his.

Any info? 

Beyond the Divine Feminine - Course by Elizabeth DeBold

It starts as an impulse...and then? Doors open, something "clicks", a class is brought to your attention, you receive an invitation...here's what has recently caught my eye. From her blog, www.evolvewomen.com.

It’s back! Elizabeth’s course—Beyond the Divine Feminine!!

We are truly thrilled to announce that in January we’ll be offering a telecourse, Beyond the Divine Feminine: Liberating Women’s Consciousness through History. This is not to be missed! If you heard her announce the course today on the Women on the Edge of Evolution series, please be sure to sign up for our email list (in upper right in Elizabeth's blog) and we will send you more information as soon as it is available. 
 
Elizabeth takes you through the different stages of culture—from tribal to today—and explores how women’s consciousness developed over time. It will transform your perspective on what it means to be a woman and open doors to possibilites you never dreamed of. Her presentation is totally liberating! It will give you a lasting taste of a new kind of freedom that makes a new future really possible. You’ll be amazed by how light you will feel afterwards. Don’t miss it!

---

I am planning on taking this course. I'd love a few people to join me, remotely or whatever's clever. I think a small "study" group would be excellent support and fun. I've enjoyed her lectures and articles a lot, and expect this class to be great. Not sure how we could manage this, but what about starting a dialogue amongst ourselves and seeing what it leads to?

Fair or Unfair? A Parenting Question

This is a parenting question, and by the time you read this something will have already been "done" one way of the other, but I thought I'd throw it out into the ether to get feedback.

Parenting is such a tender subject, and so often parents are winging it with respect to boundaries, or disciplinary stuff. And empty threats to our kids -- forget it. I hear so many it's just tiresome, not to mention totally ineffective and confusing for the kid. We try always to work as a team. We try our best to agree on issues BEFORE we need to implement any one course of action -- good or bad -- so we're not caught arguing or deciding in the heat of a challenging moment. When things with Willoree are slipping into crazy land (rare, but she's a healthy three...) we try to buy ourselves some time to come up with a logical and loving response before we deliver it to her.  Case in point:

After lunch today, Willoree is taking her plate to the sink and kicks our dog, Quella, out of her way. A gentle kick, a full-body leg nudge if you will, but definitely a suspect behavior, and one that's gotten brasher and bolder over the past few weeks. Respect for each other (including the animals is HUGE in our household, and the verbal warnings/lessons just aren't seeming to do the trick. She "doesn't mean to" a lot, and/or "forgets" easily. Those excuses? I don't really buy them...she's just too smart.) I look at her and ask her what that was all about, and offer to take her plate for her and calmly send her to her room for a time out. She threatens that if I do that, she'll just, she'll just...and at a loss for words, she dumped the remains of her sandwich on the floor. I take her plate, say my "uh-oh" thing, and ask her again to go to her room. She goes to her room and then slams her door -- another no-no in our house -- and one that she's been taught several times.

So I see this as the trifecta of inacceptable, bratty behavior. (And maybe some residual effects of a week of Halloween candy? Our bad.) In any case, Ben and I are left wondering what would be a fair consequence. I'm pretty much the hard ass, so here's what I came up with and proposed to Ben. And this is the piece about which I'm seeking some feedback.

We're headed to a birthday party this afternoon and I suggested that the big delayed consequence love and logic style "lesson" will be to make her wait and eat her birthday cake at home. This means, sniff sniff, that the other kids will get yummy cake, eat it, etc. etc. while Willoree has to get a plate to go. (More details about the party have been posted -- read through the comments if you're interested. Mine is the 10th one.) Of course this somewhat breaks my heart, and part of me thinks it's really severe, but honestly: a piece of cake to go? Is it that big a deal? And is the pay off impact-wise worth it? We have decided to deliver the news ahead of time so it's not a surprise to her, or in any way mortifying (we hope); we've called the hosts of the party (also Love and Logic devotees) and forewarned them of what's going in and have asked for their support ("...heard you had a rough day; would you like to choose a plate to take home with you?", etc. etc.) and of course -- Willoree gets to eat her cake later.

The tactic of what we're trying here stems from Love and Logic philosophy. For those of you who don't know it, I think it's worth checking out. From their web site's FAQ page: Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences.

Love and logic parents and facilitators value a child's confidence and dignity, healthy communication, and simple and practical techniques that are useful from baby age on up. In this case, I love the idea that we as parents can wisely choose appropriate and potentially "tough" lessons when the price tag is small, so that kids "get it" early on and learn to be wise, learn self-respect, and make better decisions later in life when the price tag is greater.

So. Be gentle. And let's discuss.

Slow is the New Fast

Words to live by?

Thanks, Ann. You're all over me with your musings! Good morning to a world covered last week with snow, this week with sunny Chinooks. I need to eat more burgers.

Beauty Mark - The Film

I live just outside of Boulder, one of the thinnest cities in the United States. I also will have a teenage daughter in ten years who could easily fall prey to the incessant and unrealistic (and American-made, primarily!) cultural standards of beauty. How do we achieve it? What if we don't? What happens when we lose it? Who will love us? What is self worth?

I am a big fan beauty and I find it in almost everything and everybody. I try to create beauty in all my relations, and I generally feel beautiful. I think my family is beautiful. And so -- admittedly -- there are times when I have a hard time understanding that other people don't see beauty surrounding them, or the beauty that IS them. I can name a million reasons why this might makes sense, given the old broken patterns that are still hanging around, but I recognize my choice in the matter, and I feel committed as a parent to send messages of a personal and unshakable beauty, inside and out. I know, too, that the first step is to live it. Which is why it's easy for me to commit to self-care (for me yoga, meditation, time alone, good food, my ladies, time with my husband...it can be anything for anyone) because that's largely how you get to the place where it all makes sense. You court, and eventually live from, your deepest and most settled places.

Last night I met Boulderite Diane Isreal at a holistic nutrition class I'm attending. Diane conducts weekend women's workshops, and said that when asked what their goals were the groupwould name two: how they could fit in smaller jeans and how they can help their daughters not get eating disorders. This very unfortunate irony was a huge catalyst for the creation of her (story on) film "Beauty Mark".


http://www.beautymarkmovie.com/default.html From BeautyMarkMovie.com:

Beauty Mark is for anyone who has ever felt invisible because they didn't conform to our culture's impossible, unhealthy, abnormal beauty standards. This courageous film examines popular culture's toxic emphasis on weight and looks through the eyes of Boulder-based psychotherapist and former world-class triathlete Diane Israel-- who tells her own story while interviewing other champion athletes, body builders, fashion models and inner-city teens about their experiences relating to self-image.


This deeply personal and funny film asks some tough questions ... How do our families influence our relationships with our own bodies?  How do popular culture "standards" get inside of our hearts and heads?  In what ways can sports actually make us sicker instead of healthier?  Former champion athletes, including David Scott, Ellen Hart Pena and Brenda Maller share their stories while notable luminaries such as playwright Eve Ensler, author Paul Campos and cultural critic Naomi Wolf provide their insights.

An elite runner and triathlete until age 28, Diane won the Pikes Peak Marathon and several other major races after settling in Colorado in the early 1980s. She retired from competition after collapsing from anorexia (sometimes called  "athletic bulimia", a disorder many athletes suffer from, but which few experts knew anything about at that time). Diane went back to school to become a psychotherapist and is now a professor of human development at Naropa University, a counselor and the co-owner of a women’s fitness center. She continues to run, but strives to live her life at a less frantic pace.

---

My comments: While not all the issues will pertain to you, you will probably recognize someone in the film. The subject matter and, to a large degree the theme, of "Beauty Mark" are personal and specific, but the message is massive and accessible. It's a call to action for us to find peace in ourselves just the way we are, and teach and share peace. We are being called right now by SO many sources, at every given moment, to live our truest selves, and stand in our our individual, specific beauty.

And many of you have seen this, I imagine. It's a Dove "evolution" video advertisement for their Real Beauty campaign.



We're all finding our way home. Who can you remind is beautiful today?

About the nutrition workshop, which I have been appreciating on many, many levels -- thanks Ann!:

Ann Gibson - Sustainable Living & Functional Nutrition Coach
Exquisite Living - Simple * Sustainable * Blissful
Phone: (303)993-4359
www.ExquisiteWellness.com
Phone & In-person Consultations Available

Google Profile - WTF

Are you ever just tempted to lie? I don't know where or how this information will be used for or against me, but I just spent some time filling out a "Google Profile". I don't use gmail or many of Google's features (which I hear are fantastic, actually) so this is all really new and cyber-y fictitious to me. And since Google knows everything (kind of like another Go_ I know) I figured I'd better tell her this before you hear it elsewhere. From the page:

A little personality

I was born somewhat premature in a dusty pail in South Dakota to two cowgirls who were escaping persecution from the local churches. We were on the run for around 16 years until we finally settled in Asheville, NC, where I enjoyed my first bath, bagel and too many boyfriends to count.

Thank you.

Then, she asked me (my answers immediately follow):

Something I can't find using Google:
Toilet paper when the roll's finito.

My superpower:
The ability to change kittens into cats in less than a year.

Interests:
Insects, thinking about surfing, Japanese packaging, dark skies and illuminated foregrounds, healing, lipstick and boys.

I'd love to capitalize on Google's great idea and learn a little bit about you! If you care to, fill out the questions and post them back to me. Or post a Google Profile and I will probably never find it.

Just Launched :: www.Ilovewink.com

A new project of mine just launched: ilovewink.com. These girls know style, love and how to run a business. And they're doing all kinds of great community things, too! Check them out. (Logo, ads, campaigns, web site, etc. all by 9-V.) Special thanks to Chrissy D and Sarah for making this such a fun project...

 

"Grown Man Now"

I started a beautiful and captivating book last night about the family I have been fortunate enough to inherit...

Grown Man Now (blog) embodies the generous quality of life available to an adult with Down Syndrome. Pioneers in creative problem-solving, inclusion and community interaction for over 50 years, Jane B. Schulz, EdD, and her son, Billy Schulz (my uncle, my step uncle actually), are the author and subjects of inspiration and determination.

I'm just a few chapters in...more to come. It's a real pleasure meeting Tom, Isaac, Carrie, Billy, Jane -- all my family loves! -- page after page in new light. Thanks for publishing it and sending it to CO so quickly, Mary DeWit!

Blender Broke.

Well, damn.

Our blender broke yesterday. Thank the baby Michael Jackson I don't have the flu anymore.

And so now I want to graduate from Osterizing and get a VitaMix and also an Excalibur dehydrator. I'm adding these things to my wish list, and selling some stuff from our garage to save up some money to pay for them. I will need to sell a lot of things. A lot of things.

I have this list of things I want, and images of what I want my home and life to look like...when was the last time any of you made a vision board? Collage of stuff you wanted, or things that make you feel good, or places you'd like to visit, your dream hair, etc. etc.? Two vision boards showed up at a retreat I was participating in by my friend, Beverlee Garb, and I got excited about getting out my scissors, poster board, glue, magazines, and acting like I was 13...staying up really late with a girlfriend and making one.

So yeah. Are you my girlfriend? Let's choose a night and get to cutting, girl. Then our lives will take on a glossier, more magazine-y hue. We will post our boards up (assuming they look good) in a place where we look often. We'll think of how much more creative we "used to be" (does anyone else feel like that?) and think of each other and of our sweet and deliberate unfolding lives...

The Flu, "The Balanced Plate", Cliches

So I kicked what I am almost certain was the flu in a day and a half this October. Don't know if it was H1N1 but a flu made its way around our home and I had the least trouble with it, which is shocking because I always seem to be the lingering snotty, coughy, cleary her throaty person. Maybe that was the old me. Living in an arid climate has reworked my cellular make-up. I adore Colorado.

I made this magical elixir and I want to share the recipe here. It's from a book I use very often called The Balanced Plate by Renee Loux. On her web site she writes, "Start small. Start anywhere. Green living: it's contagious." Her book is thorough and deals with all manners of living well, living green, eating whole food and cleaning without poisoning your housemates and pets...basically it covers all the green cliches. As a rule, and like the rest of you, I don't like cliches. I kind of can't believe that people actually use them when they do. They do, though. People...But some things, while they're becoming cliche, don't mean to be cliche. Or maybe they're just excusable because I agree with their bones. But then marketing gets hold of them and suddenly. Well.

Don't you think that organic produce, for example, should be free of labels, stickers and marketing (the self-evident truth of "apple") and that our "conventional" foods should be marked the hell up with lists of which pesticides, modifications, etc. they contain? And, in a similar call for TRUTH (mine or otherwise), back in the early '90s, when our nation was deciding which Elvis stamp to issue (the cute healthy, hottie Elvis, or the bloated, old, fucked up looking Elvis) we should have chosen the latter, but we didn't.

There was a summer where my mom and Tom tried to speak using as many cliches as they could, which started off funny and got funnier.

Back to the f-l-u. I also drank a lot of elderberry tea with lemon. Here's the book cover of that book I was talking about:

 

Flu Buster Tonic

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1-2 cloves garlic

1/4 cup finely shredded ginger

2 tsp wasabi powder, or to taste

1 tsp cayenne pepper, or to taste

2-4 tbs raw honey
---
In a blender, combine the vinegar, garlic (if desired), and ginger and blend until smooth. Pour through a fine strainer and press wiht the back of a spoon to extract as much juice as possible. Discard pulp. Whisk in the wasabi, cayenne, and honey. Store in a glass jar in the fridge. Serve 2 tbs at a time on an empty stomach. Add to a cup of hot water for a warming tonic. 

*Mary notes: I'd call it a burning tonic, but I liked everything about how this tasted, and especially how well it worked. I finished a jar in a day in a half. This, with plenty of grams of vitamin C (like 5 or 6) and a good antioxidant (Carlson ACES, I like), gave me life. Also, and in my sickest hours, I couldn't taste or smell much anyways...so whatever taste reservations you may have might be self-resolving if your symptoms are similar. 

Also, lazy, I didn't strain out the ginger and garlic pulp so my version was pulpier than recipe version.

I hope the baby liked it as much as I did. (Hot hot fish and club, yo.)

Overpriced Pumpkin Patch

But with llamas and goats and hay and broken rides! Against a Western blue sky in warm October it felt just like the '40s, except people weren't dressed nearly as interestingly. They wanted to charge me $7 to walk through a hay bale "maze" that might have taken 15 seconds. I was like, "....innhhh". We snuck into the broken down carousel and tried to make family portraits, but the light was too intense, and the battery too dying, and the moment was soonafter lost.

Tom left today and Willoree cried in the car on the way home. Thanks, Tom, for coming out to see us! And we'll see you after Christmas. You, too, Sheila...

EVER EVER EVER by Janice Lancaster

I love this piece. Love it. Thanks to Janice and Adam for making sweet moves in a sweet, sweet world that's always shape-shifting in and out of human construct.    


ever ever ever from Janice Lancaster on Vimeo.

HOLY GROUND - Brona's Story

"Mentioning my child's name may make me cry. Not mentioning my child's name will break my heart." – Unknown

Brona's story: http://www.zoopy.com/video/n4z/brona

Spelling her N-A-M-E

Willoree is spelling her first and last name and drawing a lot of pictures. She's proud. We are too.

There's something great about the quality of that red ink, as well. It's nice close up; it's nice on our dining room table. It's been wonderful having Tom here...

Frost Heads

This morning I woke up early and took my dog, Quella, for a walk. Glorious morning and very frosty. I love fall. I love the ting in the air and the hue Colorado takes on around October. I try to remember to let go of things and let what needs to die do so, and to breathe more deeply and eat more roots. The older I get the more I appreciate winter, too. It's everything spring and summer are, just articulated differently and sans the easy to adore fluff of life. It's the same way I feel about this part of Colorado's browns and tans and beiges: it took me a while to get used to the colors that were hiding in and around what first appeared to be death, but now it blooms in every season without fail.

Some frost heads. Collards and a maple leaf; rudbeckia, and weeds and strawberries from our yard.

Temperance

Someone described me and used the word "Temperance" last week. I pulled a tarot card a while back and it was Temperance, but reversed.  Here's what it said:

You have gone to extremes - recognize this lack of harmony. Stop and consider how things are going in your life. Frustration causes emotional stress, your judgment is then lacking - you need to look before you leap. Slow down and re-evaluate every thing - a different approach is required. You have lost sight of your "art", your genius, your creative talents and your energies are being wasted and scattered. You are focused on the stress created by the conflict you are experiencing - forcing the issue is not the answer - you need total change.

Seek the advise of your "inner" Self - allow yourself to be quiet, experience the stillness - listen and the answers will be provided. Your inner self is always present and dependable - it is your true reality and when the time comes for you to find out who you are - the Voice inside of you will tell you who you are. Your experiences give you the material and data you need to make your decisions. Determine the course of your life - not the course that others desire for you - but the course that is right for you.

There are two sides to everything - the straight reasoning side and the "feeling" elements and both must balance - you can not have one without the other. It is time for you to become involved in the "outer" expression of your "inner" ideas. Each experience will tell you something new - allow yourself to flow with the experience and be led by your inner voice. When the time comes, you will know exactly what to do. It is through your "inner" awareness that you will know what is the appropriate action to take in any situation. Allow your old fears and habits to die away into the past. Calm down, avoid extremes and use the balance you have so carefully developed.

Distortions in the way of too much or too little of the above meanings. Sufi master, H2rat Inyat Khan put us on notice that "love in its lower manifestations turns into law by forming habits." Intemperance. Emotional imbalance. Addictive behavior. A problem of giving or taking in healthy proportions. In a sense this card functions as an emotional barometer. Not being able to take is a problem for m.my, and is little recognized in modern society, where giving has received a "good" label and taking has received a "bad" label. You must learn to be a good taker or you will be denying others their right auld pleasure in giving. There can be too much mentality creating abstraction and limiting heart. Too little mentality in the emotional.

Questions to Answer: What are you feeling optimistic about? How are you combining the resources available to you? What are you testing or trying out? What needs to be healed or brought into balance?

The above is taken from this site: www.crystal-reflections.com. I have several decks of the Tarot, which I usually fondle, pull and ponder, but I've been too lazy to learn how to read them with any true insight so I rely on sites like this one to get my brain juiced. I generally love what she has to say, and always find her messages right on for me. The Tarot, as you know, of course, does not know how to lie...

MOTHERHOOD

I am pregnant, ~ 26 weeks or so, with my second baby. I love love love being pregnant. I feel I'm very good at it. I am relishing in my three and a half year old's spirit too. Mothering comes so naturally to me, like being high on pixel dust. Being a mama has has opened me up in all directions, and in more ways than I could have imagined. Cliche, perhaps. But do the mamas out there feel me? I feel motherhood is a large part of my purpose and joy. (I hope so at least, because this is what I'm going to be up to for the next little bit...) Truly: my heart breaks open a little more every day, and I can't wait to meet my next small and magnificent teacher.

I will send a CASH PRIZE to anyone who sends the best name. I am compiling BOY and GIRL names. Content details coming soon.

Willoree was born April 7, 2006. She was a home birth baby, born in a tub of warm water in her bedroom. She weighed 8lbs 8oz and measured 21" long. Support your local midwives!!

Our midwives: Karin Hoskin and Amy Colo (and Nichole Calaigas, apprentice, who sunlights as an environmentally-friendly cleaning lady while she's in midwifery school and apprenticing, attending births! (I created her soap bar Bizzy Beez logo, by the way.)

BRANDING 101

I was recently asked to present at a small conference about branding. It was a great honor, and I created a few pages of notes and resources for the women to whom I spoke. If anyone's interested, they are below. In them I go over ideas about branding, marketing, offer some exercises to do to get juiced on your own identity creation, the basics of building web sites, terminology and some helpful resources (like affordable stock art and photography and printers I like to work with.)

In other work news...20 new illustrations of mine will be published in an Adobe Photoshop manual by next spring. This is a follow up to last year's version, wherein 20 or so of my older illustrations were published. They illustrated things such as contrast, proportion, balance, and other "design principles". No link to share about this, unfortunately.

Download the PDFs here.

Probably for the Better

What is this shit made of?

And who carved this scary fellow to entice us inside to buy it?

"POETRY"

This is one of those posts like a free jazz, or jam band, or an improv situation, or something else about which I make no apologies. I started this one night many months ago when I couldn't sleep. It is evidence of an inner landscape I feel called to court; I'm calling it Poetry.

DEDICATION

Let my eyes see the love that I am
And Love burn my eyes in its Purity
back to the Beginning
back to the Beginning

---

“Coincidence”

What is New is Newer than you think.
Don’t waste your time imagining what you will find based on anything familiar;
leave go ALL of that.
Continue only with what you need.
And spend your time
making the list
smaller and smaller
until you show up naked
and realize you have gone nowhere.

---

“Gabriel's Horn”

I am making music, not well, and shyly but I am.
I am hearing music more deeply, and differently.
It is the same with all languages:
Be rusty and unpracticed, be unaware of the reaches of your natural skillfulness,
but open your throat,
(your heart, your rivers, your grenades)
and trumpet something out.
There are no mistakes the more truly you know your landscape.

---

“Wanderer”

There is no such place as far away.
She journeys through a rose-cheeked youth onward, with some and without others, always changing her scenery, and
often seduced by a fleeting grasp of Radical and Definite arrival.
But the monochrome moments of stillness are what transports
Her Soul to its Absolute natural habitat: juicy, rooted and alive.

Was it even her journey to take?
And whose is it now?

---

“In Joy Our Springs”

Oh My God!
The soul’s water runs deep here, and pure,
and I am intoxicated, I am on fire with Love.
Juicy, rooted and alive Love
The kind that spills over and through your clothing;
Rolls off and onto others when you’re not holding;
The kind you can taste, hear, feel, sink into,
over and over and over again –
and always get the same first rush.

Outdoor living, indoor living,
it happens at the same time here.
No lack for anything outer, and besides,
people like Evan’s Tent will always find the perfect moment
to invite you in for a mildly neurotic chat
or another something of rare beauty
he’s peddling.

I love you women!
I love you our men!
Here and there and everywhere –
And specifically you, at the intersection of Angela and Harbin Hot Springs:

Thank You.

The Gestalt of you has touched me for always,
and I don’t even know half of your names.

---

“Ben”

Beloved, that is what you are.
My infinite thank you, in plain language, unedited and distracted:

There is no one else here but you as I write!

Target me in the life that is your prayer and show me your love always,
Our reflections do not lie,
and I will always
be looking your way.

---

“Cliff’s Notes”

I am.
I am not.
No, I am.

Willoree and Long Shadows

Love song to God

This is an excellent example of the perfect "elevator" speech, by no one in particular, to no one in particular. I will remember to sing this song. Thank HU.