Fair or Unfair? A Parenting Question

This is a parenting question, and by the time you read this something will have already been "done" one way of the other, but I thought I'd throw it out into the ether to get feedback.

Parenting is such a tender subject, and so often parents are winging it with respect to boundaries, or disciplinary stuff. And empty threats to our kids -- forget it. I hear so many it's just tiresome, not to mention totally ineffective and confusing for the kid. We try always to work as a team. We try our best to agree on issues BEFORE we need to implement any one course of action -- good or bad -- so we're not caught arguing or deciding in the heat of a challenging moment. When things with Willoree are slipping into crazy land (rare, but she's a healthy three...) we try to buy ourselves some time to come up with a logical and loving response before we deliver it to her.  Case in point:

After lunch today, Willoree is taking her plate to the sink and kicks our dog, Quella, out of her way. A gentle kick, a full-body leg nudge if you will, but definitely a suspect behavior, and one that's gotten brasher and bolder over the past few weeks. Respect for each other (including the animals is HUGE in our household, and the verbal warnings/lessons just aren't seeming to do the trick. She "doesn't mean to" a lot, and/or "forgets" easily. Those excuses? I don't really buy them...she's just too smart.) I look at her and ask her what that was all about, and offer to take her plate for her and calmly send her to her room for a time out. She threatens that if I do that, she'll just, she'll just...and at a loss for words, she dumped the remains of her sandwich on the floor. I take her plate, say my "uh-oh" thing, and ask her again to go to her room. She goes to her room and then slams her door -- another no-no in our house -- and one that she's been taught several times.

So I see this as the trifecta of inacceptable, bratty behavior. (And maybe some residual effects of a week of Halloween candy? Our bad.) In any case, Ben and I are left wondering what would be a fair consequence. I'm pretty much the hard ass, so here's what I came up with and proposed to Ben. And this is the piece about which I'm seeking some feedback.

We're headed to a birthday party this afternoon and I suggested that the big delayed consequence love and logic style "lesson" will be to make her wait and eat her birthday cake at home. This means, sniff sniff, that the other kids will get yummy cake, eat it, etc. etc. while Willoree has to get a plate to go. (More details about the party have been posted -- read through the comments if you're interested. Mine is the 10th one.) Of course this somewhat breaks my heart, and part of me thinks it's really severe, but honestly: a piece of cake to go? Is it that big a deal? And is the pay off impact-wise worth it? We have decided to deliver the news ahead of time so it's not a surprise to her, or in any way mortifying (we hope); we've called the hosts of the party (also Love and Logic devotees) and forewarned them of what's going in and have asked for their support ("...heard you had a rough day; would you like to choose a plate to take home with you?", etc. etc.) and of course -- Willoree gets to eat her cake later.

The tactic of what we're trying here stems from Love and Logic philosophy. For those of you who don't know it, I think it's worth checking out. From their web site's FAQ page: Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences.

Love and logic parents and facilitators value a child's confidence and dignity, healthy communication, and simple and practical techniques that are useful from baby age on up. In this case, I love the idea that we as parents can wisely choose appropriate and potentially "tough" lessons when the price tag is small, so that kids "get it" early on and learn to be wise, learn self-respect, and make better decisions later in life when the price tag is greater.

So. Be gentle. And let's discuss.