Side note -- early in the game: Ben and I are "doing the work", per se, but also enjoying being married. Inquisitive, contemplative types like myself can get addicted to seeking help, changing for the better, ever seeking arrival at some place of deeper peace, stillness...............always out there, one more book, one more class, one more re-birthing experience, one more emotional release...........but all that seeking and looking can also keep the "goal" at an impossible reach. Ask me how I know? Stop. Start again. But mostly stop. And now? I get that "words", and trying to "understand" universal truths via language, etc. is a potential trap, too, but OK, yeah. That's a large part of what I'm trying to write about here. So bear with me.
I love the notion of melding of self and Self. I am relieved by the suggestion that, rather than running off to India or seeking permission and inspiration to surrender to the divine from someone who comes off as "higher" than we are (a common Guru/disciple gig, I gather) the work is here, now, present, and usually thrown in our sweet, sun-kissed faces by none other than our kids, husbands, wives, neighbors, etc. Since so many of us ARE wives, employees, husbands, mothers, shoppers, etc. THIS is our chance. This is how the divine opens up to us. We need not go anywhere! For those seeking truth, lok no further than the understated romance with very normal stuff like laundry and and wiping your five year old's bottom. These are tip of iceberg-y, powerful and timely conversations, I think. And I am involved.
I'm wondering what more I can do to show up in a fuller, more vibrant expression of my self and Self. How best to use my gifts, my passions, my ideas and uniqueness...to serve. My design business is wonderful in a hundred ways, but I know I will be expressing myself differently in the years ahead.
I am thinking about words. I am thinking about how moved I am by beautiful stories, poems, conversations, by writing...by Satsangs. How good to get a sentence down that actually says what I'm wanting it to say, or to read one. I love the elegance of mathematical equations, as I love the elegance in superb phrasing. Words are fascinating, to say the least. And they are so, so limiting. Especially when they're used to discuss BIG concepts like "enlightenment", "forgiveness", "peace", "love", "perfection". The bigger the concept, the more the word struggles.
But even limited, words are important. They do not comprise all -- but make up a decent chunk of -- the celestial conversation and human drama. Words seek to unify, but my guess is that if you asked 100 people what "enlightenment" meant, you'd get 100 slightly different answers. And maybe we'd all suddenly be pants down pontificating about what's what, what's real, what's the deal, who's got it just right. Interesting, but doesn't that get old? When words fail...we get lost in their shortcomings, too.
Shout out to the really good poets.
But alas, we're sort of stuck with them. And boy do we love to hear ourselves talk sometimes. They're like old friends who can prop us up, make another person laugh at the perfect time. Let's try to get better at the discourse, and perhaps personalize it. Let's personalize our language, deeply understand and pour ourselves into these words we use, so we can let them go...
In the interview, Arjuna spoke about a tendency that some "spiritual" folks have to avoid (?) our uncomfortable circumstances (inside and out) by reverting back to this "spiritual idea" that everything's "perfect." Shit happens. Feelings are hurt. Koko's sad. X triggers Y. But it's cool: it's all "perfect". Choose happy thoughts! Get with joy. "Joy." And "meaning." And didn't we miss something here?
What's in-between? I am so struck at how damaging, or confusing, this idea of reverting to an ephemeral, cerebral understanding of "perfection" could be. And, further, what's so "imperfect" about the things presenting themselves here and now? What is perfection, anyways? And what is its face? Peaceful? Quiet? Loving? Stillness? Do you have to jump somewhere to get back to "perfection" when it's "lost"? I know people who move around doing stuff constantly, but who are still, and I'm grateful that they are helping me see a little more clearly what "stillness" can mean! I mean "mean."
And maybe more interesting, what face of perfection do I find most comfortable, and maybe -- just maybe -- could I play around with eradicating that particular self-limiting idea and just face the x, y or z at hand? Thereby residing in the perfection of an honest moment? I get excellent mileage from that. Galactic speed, in a place where speed is irrelevant.
I was thinking back to a time or two when I was trying to "help" someone who was in a dark place with a well-intentioned word, or idea that -- oops, well shit -- backfired. My "good" words caused more confusion that clarity. I may be doing that here, post after post! But discovering how to be with words in a healthy way -- as a lover or words -- is a very real struggle for me. And I think that I'm not alone. I sometimes even shy in the reverent shadows that BIG words evoke...so much so that I shy away from jumping in, playing with how that particular word or concept flows with and through me, and thereby I miss a really good chance of "landing" whatever the concept was that the word was advertising. So yes: timeless concepts can remain trapped in insufficient words. And what good is that?
I meditate every day. Is that the same as your meditation every day? What do we think, what do we assume about each other that both combines and divides each others' experiences here on the planet?
We are all editors and composers in some sense or another. And we're all living in these very new, strange hybrid kinds of lives whereby we straddle things spoken and impossible to articulate. So be it. And is not all of it an invitation to experience "perfection"?
More...
This idea of "perfection" is a totally great idea. And of course, it's bigger than an idea: it's a great and discoverable truth. And as such, let's apply it to all situations, good bad and ugly, moment to moment, and really lean on that. Moments are OK, neutral, inviting. Just as they are, in sequential progression. If I'm in a tangle with a friend, and my body is registering tightness, blockage, my throat feels hot, etc. what is so scary about trusting in and inviting the perfection in that moment to unveil itself, and step me into the light? So what if I fall "down". Call it falling up! And resolve the tension. Free the tension. Relax into it. What's so scary?
I'm still negotiating this...but the more deeply I do, the more deeply I fall totally in love with this working, and very inclusive idea of perfection. The more I can let messy be OK. And the more I can allow authentic exchange in my life.
OK -- so this all started with this idea to serve in as translator between concept, word and individual. I think that if we can absolve our relationships with certain words, and the concepts they are trying to convey, we can actually jump straight into the concept...bypassing mental "understandings" of them...and more easily embody what we were after in the first place. In the end, I do think that words are rendered useless. But in the meantime...
In the meantime...
Well.
I will hit publish. And wonder why I spent an hour writing this.
And enjoy silence as often as possible. With some good conversation, music, and stuff thrown in. Loving it all...
No comments:
Post a Comment